[Those words drive the breath from his lungs and seed alarm in his heart. Return to Kei? Certainly not. He cannot leave her, she cannot refuse to return, she knows this. What under Heaven would possess her to say such a thing? He dimly hears the boy — 'Saburouta'; she called him 'Saburouta' — vacillating between two outbursts at her words, one of confusion and one of protestation, clearly as blindsided as Keiki feels. He cannot see the intention behind her words not yet an order.
It is enough to drive him past propriety, stepping directly to her side and into her sight. Any shred of neutrality he bore is eliminated with the decision, all serenity and grace and composure struck from his countenance, replaced with dismay and hurt. Voice raised in a strange choir harmony with all Saburouta has said.]
Your Majesty! You cannot mean that, you must not—
[Abdicate. That cannot be her intention, she would not surely, she will not—!]
[It isn't hard to guess after all their time together what thoughts might be filling his head, fueling his capricious emotions in this charged moment. At seeing that panic overtake him, Youko releases the death-grip she has on his shirt, letting her hands draw back to catch his palms. An interstice in what she has to do, while the objections from her kirin fall on deaf ears.]
Saburouta, please... don't misunderstand. [Softly and furtively spoken, as if for his ears only, with a squeeze of his hands and as much false strength as she can put behind her brittle smile.] There is no version of this story where I don't go back.
[To betray the Mandate of Heaven is to leave the Way. To stray from the Way is a path to death. To abdicate her throne is welcoming death. Just some of those hundreds of little intricacies she has tried to tell him before about her life, her duty.
The arrogance of an empress. It isn't a natural thing for her to tap into at the best of moments, but she reaches for it now all the same, buffeted by Bandou's shock and Keiki's horror. Bleeds away all the tenderness for that register of command that doesn't fully fit on her tongue, the prideful stature of someone chosen, dominance. Her still weeping eyes, made as sharp as she can manage with tears clinging to her lashes, find Keiki there in the hollow at her side and that low, still foreign-to-her imperious voice slips free. A call for silence, for obedience.]
Return to Kei. [The directive, repeated.] You will petition Ren for assistance in my retrieval. [The objective. A bid for diplomacy.] Across the Void Sea or here, neither place will escape unscathed if I leave with you now. This place and people bear enough scars, which I'm certain you've seen. I do not wish to cause more harm and grief than I must. [The rationale. A demand for a show of the depths of a kirin's compassion.] If Ren cannot spare Ren Taiho and the Gogoukanda, I will accept the responsibility for what must be inflicted both Here and There. [The concession. A fail-safe.] That is my command.
[Lastly, the order. A cruel test of the oath her kirin swore to her, but one Youko administers all the same.]
[Her words to him, he'd find them beautifully poetic if it weren't the last thing he'd hoped to hear. Even protesting a moment earlier, outwardly announcing and inwardly degrading himself to something that couldn't begin to compare to the importance of the people she governs. Well, it's obvious by his eyes flooding once more what he really hoped for. He wants to be petty in this moment. Complain and reference every instance in his past where he was never the one chosen. Never the golden child that was given love and respect. He wants to be the most important and cherished thing by someone. By her. But he simply can't be that selfish.
None of the orders Youko speaks to Keiki make sense to him, names and terms that sound beyond foreign to his ears. But he's too caught up in all the conflicting voices in his head to try to decipher it. He pulls his hands free from Youko's grasp, hoping he can banish the self depreciating thoughts from his mind by wiping away the tears that flow down his reddened cheeks.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
It is enough to drive him past propriety, stepping directly to her side and into her sight. Any shred of neutrality he bore is eliminated with the decision, all serenity and grace and composure struck from his countenance, replaced with dismay and hurt. Voice raised in a strange choir harmony with all Saburouta has said.]
Your Majesty! You cannot mean that, you must not—
[Abdicate. That cannot be her intention, she would not surely, she will not—!]
We must return!
no subject
Saburouta, please... don't misunderstand. [Softly and furtively spoken, as if for his ears only, with a squeeze of his hands and as much false strength as she can put behind her brittle smile.] There is no version of this story where I don't go back.
[To betray the Mandate of Heaven is to leave the Way. To stray from the Way is a path to death. To abdicate her throne is welcoming death. Just some of those hundreds of little intricacies she has tried to tell him before about her life, her duty.
The arrogance of an empress. It isn't a natural thing for her to tap into at the best of moments, but she reaches for it now all the same, buffeted by Bandou's shock and Keiki's horror. Bleeds away all the tenderness for that register of command that doesn't fully fit on her tongue, the prideful stature of someone chosen, dominance. Her still weeping eyes, made as sharp as she can manage with tears clinging to her lashes, find Keiki there in the hollow at her side and that low, still foreign-to-her imperious voice slips free. A call for silence, for obedience.]
Return to Kei. [The directive, repeated.] You will petition Ren for assistance in my retrieval. [The objective. A bid for diplomacy.] Across the Void Sea or here, neither place will escape unscathed if I leave with you now. This place and people bear enough scars, which I'm certain you've seen. I do not wish to cause more harm and grief than I must. [The rationale. A demand for a show of the depths of a kirin's compassion.] If Ren cannot spare Ren Taiho and the Gogoukanda, I will accept the responsibility for what must be inflicted both Here and There. [The concession. A fail-safe.] That is my command.
[Lastly, the order. A cruel test of the oath her kirin swore to her, but one Youko administers all the same.]
no subject
None of the orders Youko speaks to Keiki make sense to him, names and terms that sound beyond foreign to his ears. But he's too caught up in all the conflicting voices in his head to try to decipher it. He pulls his hands free from Youko's grasp, hoping he can banish the self depreciating thoughts from his mind by wiping away the tears that flow down his reddened cheeks.]